By Sheila Donnelly



One of the most delightful things about raising children is their sweet innocence and curiosity to learn new concepts. Last winter my son, Timmy had spent a week with his three older sisters, Bridget, Molly and Theresa. The girls speak very openly around him and often after they have gone is when I find out what they have spoken so openly about. I was sitting in the living room reading and Timmy was sitting next to his dad, who was doing a crossword puzzle, while at the same time watching television.
Timmy turned to his dad and asked, “What it is the difference between orgasm and masturbation?”
His dad was listening to the television and was not paying attention to Timmy.Timmy cleared his throat and asked once more, “What is the difference between orgasm and masturbation?”
I pretended to be reading intently as I wanted his dad to answer this question.
Timmy cleared his throat loudly one more time and asked, “Dad, dad. What is the difference between masturbation and orgasm?”
This time his dad heard him and looked up startled but he answered Timmy truthfully and in simple terms.
Timmy said, “Thank you. I didn’t really know what they meant. I thought I did, but that makes more sense.”
I was glad that Timmy was comfortable to ask this question. If I had asked my parents such a question when I was his age, I would have been interrogated about where I had even heard such words, slapped and then sent to my room.
When my daughter Molly was 11 she was at her friend Tara’s house watching a movie. In the movie the word masturbation came up several times. Monday morning when she and Tara went to school they asked several of the boy’s at the small Catholic school they attended if they had ever masturbated.
Most of the boys answered, “Huh? Gee, I don’t know. I don’t think so…”
A couple days later, one of the boy’s mothers, Laura burst into my kitchen her hair all array and said she needed to have some words with me.
“I was at the school today helping teach sex education to the girls and I mentioned to the principal that the girls were very open and asked very intelligent questions. The principal said that yes, the girls were very inquisitive. Why just last week the principal overheard Molly Donnelly asking my son, Ralph if he masturbated. This is not acceptable behavior. I will not have Molly asking my Ralph if he masturbated.”
I heard giggling in the other room.
I sighed and said, “Well, let’s ask her if she did. Molly, come out here.”
Molly slowly came out to the kitchen with pigtails in her hair and her head down.
“Molly, did you ask Ralph if he masturbates?” I asked.
“Noooo…” Molly stammered.
Laura shook her finger at Molly and said, “Listen. Don’t you ever, ever, let me hear you asking my son if he masturbates again, do you hear me?”
Then she left quickly slamming the door.
We all burst into laughter, and I said, “Poor Ralph. Okay, Molly what’s the deal. Why did you ask Ralph if he masturbates?”
“I don’t know what it means, and he didn’t either. Tara and I asked all the boys if they did. No one understood what it meant,” Molly said.
“Well at that little conservative school please be careful what you ask the boys. Next time come and ask me first,” I said.
I went to the principal the next day and told her what had incurred and she was embarrassed that Laura had gotten in such a huff. The principal thought it was a normal question that a young person would ask, and it is. I suggested that the school have someone with more experience teach sex education as Laura was too naive to see that Molly’s inquisitiveness was normal. But, she continued to be the teacher and her Ralph is now a man and I am pretty sure that Laura sees now that it was not such a big deal the day Molly asked her son if he ever masturbated.